arrggg me matey 

destroy the furry cult, kill a demon with a bracelet, save your dad

This is not my beautiful house! this is not my beautiful wife!

Literally Satan.

“Look, being cute isn’t going to get you everywhere in life. You also need to use magic.”

Turns out you’re only special because we said you were. 

That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, you idiots.

Tries to find his mom, she tells him to fuck off, and he unintentionally starts dating the devil

Is the devil hot? And/or female?

It is set right after the failed take over in heaven, so he is heavily scarred, across his body though his face is beautiful. Also his gender is not clear until after they have already built a connection to each other. The devil in this story though evil and corrupting, does so as part of his nature and talks and acts as a gentle idealistic young person who just doesn’t understand why hardship exists. Basically the lead finds what he initially assumes is a corpse of a beautiful girl about his age on the road, but upon realizing that she is alive he helps her and they travel together on his quest to find his mom.

A romulan olympic rhythmic gymnast finds out her mother is a psychopathic mass murderer who’s consumed by power.

Where the fuck did all the spider people go and how do we get off this planet? Also why is the Vulcan hot?!

(as told by Gobar)

It WASN’T Earth the entire time!

Additionally: Finally, a dragon - a sociopolitical problem we can solve by punching!

Omg XD now I wanna read that

Ditch the Witch getup, become a magical girl, get thrown into a never-ending bloody war between magical girls and a cult 

Fuck yeah!!! That sounds great!

The “oh she’s a drunken, insane preacher whose only friends are a statue and a humidifier she has in her motel room” plot.

The foreign warrior may finally find inner peace after surviving a brutal season where a trans dimensional conflict between humans and cosmic demons took place around an entire continent, and for this continent, this kind of stuff is annual. Onwards to new sources of power now that his body, mind and soul are forever marked by the demonic essence, product of consuming cursed flesh, blood and chemicals in order to survive. Oh and a witch with a royal legacy that extents to a bloodline of eldritch descendants sees power and glory in future cooperation 

Young man proceeds to systematically fuck up on a such a biblical scale he has to leave for several years before returning to pick up the pieces, all because the girl with bright pink hair said: “I’ll turn your favorite toy into a magical sword!”

Paranoid character gets even more paranoid until their friend tells them to calm the fuck down and listen to their tragic backstory.